Shannon Thomas

In the Press

Shannon Thomas is an international best-selling author, certified trauma therapist, co-founder of Keep Dreaming Big Project and survivor. She is regularly cited in the media as an expert on psychological abuse, as well as issues such as high-functioning depression, trauma recovery, life challenges and using therapy to heal overall.

Media Requests: media@shannonthomas.com


5 ways your body is showing you you're in the wrong relationship

"Our bodies can sometimes show us what our subconscious has become aware of, but our cognitive mind may not yet have realised, according to licensed therapist Shannon Thomas. She told INSIDER many of her clients who were in abusive or toxic relationships ended up experiencing physical symptoms, with no obvious medical explanation. 'I don't know of a client yet who hasn't experienced some sort of body reaction to being in an abusive relationship,' Thomas said. 'There are varying degrees, it's a wide spectrum, but every single person had some physical manifestation of the abuse.'"
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When money controls everything: exposing financial abuse

"Dealing with money in a relationship is often a challenge, but sometimes the financial control one partner imposes on the other can lead to financial abuse. According to Shannon Thomas, a licensed therapist and the author of “Exposing Financial Abuse,” using money as a form of control or power is very common — and very damaging."
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Narcissistic parents identify their children as either a favourite or a scapegoat, and they pit them against each other

"'Narcissistic parents create tension among all family members, and sometimes it's very covert tension, but it is at a chronic level,' Shannon Thomas, a trauma therapist and author of "Healing from Hidden Abuse" told INSIDER. 'They will triangulate siblings, they spin stories, they tell half truths, and you start to notice the pattern, just like in a romantic relationship, of how they create that chaos.'"
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My Husband Abused Me Financially—and I Almost Starved

"Spousal abuse does not always mean bruises and broken bones. For some, it means denial to money and hidden bank accounts. A new book exposes the dark secrets of financial abuse, a rarely-discussed and damaging form of psychological manipulation. In Shannon Thomas’s book, Exposing Financial Abuse: When Money is a Weapon, Gem and her teenage children barely survived their experience of financial abuse."
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Yes, Post-Vacation Blues Are Real – Here’s How to Deal

"So why does coming home ruin our good vibe? Shannon Thomas, LCSW, says that part of the reason is because taking time away can make us realize that there are parts of our lives we'd like to change. 'We often don't notice certain negative aspects of our lives while we are in the middle of it, but taking a step back during a vacation brings more clarity to things we may need to change in our lives and coming home is often a splash of cold reality,' Thomas says."
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Starting over: How to rebuild your finances after escaping a financially abusive relationship

"“The devastating impact of financial abuse lasts longer than other areas of harm from an abusive relationship,' explains Shannon Thomas, Licensed Clinical Social Worker who has conducted extensive research on financial abuse. 'It undermines the survivor’s ability to navigate through life in every way.'"
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How to Spot a Toxic Friend

"Breaking up isn’t just for romantic relationships. Sometimes you have to make the difficult decision to split ways with friends — regardless of whether they’re old or new ones — if they’re toxic. Toxic people can be found everywhere — hiding in families, couples, friendships, and companies."
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How domestic abusers use household finances to trap their victims

"'The United States is very far behind when it comes to recognizing financial abuse,"' says Shannon Thomas, a licensed therapist in Southlake and author of Exposing Financial Abuse. 'We as a country definitely need to put language into legislation and be able to understand that other forms of abuse, not just physical harm, are significant and should be criminal.'"
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How To Know When It’s Time To Leave Your Therapist

""Clients know it's time to celebrate the work completed when they begin canceling appointments, not looking forward to sessions, or finding it difficult to come up with topics to cover in sessions,' therapist Shannon Thomas, tells Bustle. 'Rather than letting the counseling time become stagnant or unnecessarily aggravated with their therapist, experiencing healthy closure is a much better option for the client and therapist,' she says."
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How to Be Honest With Your Partner About Your Tough Family Issues

"Assuming the issue at hand is one that requires some boundary-setting with family on your end — a toxic relationship with one of your parents, for example, or a feud in your nuclear family that often leaves you stuck in the middle of two people you care about — you might want to consider telling your partner upfront about how you’ve already made those efforts. 'If there is potential for family drama, your significant other is going to be relieved to know you can set healthy boundaries and not let the family toxicity seep into your relationship,' Healing from Hidden Abuse author and certified trauma therapist Shannon Thomas tells us."
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Elle Vietnam - Có ai từng cảm thấy “sợ gần gũi” với người mình yêu?

"Shannon Thomas, nhân viên giám sát xã hội tại Texas cho biết hầu hết các trung tâm tư vấn tâm lý và tình yêu khi gặp trường hợp này đều sẽ lắng nghe và cố gắng tìm câu trả lời chính xác nhất cho việc không muốn gần gũi người yêu của các khách hàng."
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Why Is Your Imagination Important? Tapping Into That Creativity Benefits Your Health, Study Shows

“'Our imagination is where our subconscious starts to bring our truly inner thoughts to the surface and to our conscious mind,' award-winning therapist, Shannon Thomas, tells Elite Daily over email. By opening your mind to these possibilities of what could be, allowing your imagination to 'daydream, and opening up to our deepest desires and concerns that we may not be fully aware of, but that still influence our behaviors,' she says, can have a significant influence on your mental health."
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7 Common Phrases That Accidentally Undermine and Insult Your Spouse

"I thought this was a strength of yours.” If your spouse offers to help with something or take on a task and then somehow doesn’t quite get it right, they’re already going to have their pride stung. What they need from you in that moment is support and encouragement, not twisting the knife by passive-aggressively questioning their abilities. 'When a significant other drops the ball in an area of life where they normally excel,' says Shannon Thomas, author of Healing from Hidden Abuse, 'they will probably notice and feel it at core level without it being pointed out that they typically handle these situations better.'”
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8 Holiday Survival Tips For Adults With Divorced Parents

"Regardless of what your parents want, staying true to your own limits over the holidays allows you to focus on quality over quantity. 'Overcommitting with our divorced parents to temporarily avoid hurt feelings can lead us to canceling at the last minute when we find ourselves too stretched and stressed during the holidays,' therapist Shannon Thomas tells BuzzFeed. 'Being realistic about what we can manage socially will keep us from saying yes and then backing out when we are frazzled. Look at a calendar now and fill in commitments that seem doable.'"
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If Your Mom Criticizes These 5 Things, She May Be Toxic

"Honestly, this is a super sensitive topic for loads of people, so even the slightest comment can feel like a personal attack. 'A toxic mother will bring up your weight and whether it's too little or too heavy according to her own standard of what is acceptable,' says trauma therapist Shannon Thomas, author of Healing from Hidden Abuse. 'Toxic mothers make themselves the barometer of right and wrong in their children's lives.' And there's a very good chance that your weight is never quite right by her standards, whatever the numbers on the scale say."
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Why Mental Exhaustion Is Physical Too

"Therapist and licensed clinical social worker Shannon Thomas explains that when we're under emotional stress from life events such as temporary conflict with a loved one or the grief from the loss of someone close to us, our bodies are 'flooded with bad chemicals like adrenaline or cortisol.' Our bodies can only handle these excessive adrenaline and cortisol levels for so long — then the chemicals begin to impact our immune, muscular and nervous systems."
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Expert reveals 8 ways a partner can be subtly manipulative - and 8 ways to escape

"Being in a relationship with a toxic person is a lot like being on a rollercoaster. There are wonderful, exhilarating highs, and then scary, sudden drops where you lose your breath and wait in anticipation for the highs to return."
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Red Flags in a Relationship

"'It’s important to notice how our romantic interest reacts to good news in our life,” says counselor Shannon Thomas. “Are they authentically excited along with us or do we receive a chilly response? If you start noticing a pattern emerge where their responses are less [enthusiastic] than you would expect, take note. It is likely to only get worse with time and is a sign they might feel threatened by your success or personal growth.'"
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Five Realities of Living with PTSD

"For those of us who live with the daily task of recovering from trauma, there are a few realities that we must authentically acknowledge and even embrace. Post-trauma life can be amazing, but we cannot afford to be in any denial about how our life experiences have changed us and our daily life. Trauma survivors in recovery know the importance of being truthful with ourselves and those around us."
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How to Handle a Toxic Sibling

"'Sibling relationships are complex,' says licensed social worker and therapist Shannon Thomas. 'Societal expectations are placed on us that we should be besties with our siblings, especially if they are the same gender. If we don't have a close relationship, we often feel embarrassed to admit it to friends. We think, Who doesn't like their siblings? Many people, actually.'"
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Mavens We Love: Career Profiles

What’s the best piece of advice you received?: “Shannon, you don’t have to be right for all people. Do what you do and let the rest find its own way.” Sometimes we feel the need to morph our products or business line into other people’s expectations, or to try to reach the most clients. I would rather just be myself and do what I do, and let the chips fall where they will."
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Nove sinais de que namora com a pessoa certa, segundo especialistas

"A pessoa certa é aquela que consegue sentir-se genuinamente feliz pelos seus sucessos e não o restringe de os alcançar, explica a terapeuta e autora da obra Healing from Hidden Abuse, Shannon Thomas. "A maior parte das relações pouco saudáveis incluem alguma forma de sabotagem de um dos parceiros. Namorar com alguém que esteja contente com a sua própria vida significa que também poderá estar feliz por si e ao seu lado", diz."
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Relationship Experts Say These Are The Nine Signs The Person You Are Dating Is Right For You

"A person who can authentically be excited about your success and goals in life is someone who won't feel the need to hold you back. Most unhealthy relationships include some form of sabotaging of one partner. Dating someone who is happy with their life means they can be happy for you and alongside of you."
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9 signs you're dating the right person, according to relationship experts

"If you already have a partner this Valentine's Day, congratulations, you've beaten the system. For the rest of us, modern dating is a minefield. There are so many rules and games to play it's easy to lose track. You might be "left on read" by someone you really liked, and your mind may spin out of control when you're over-analysing what their last few messages really meant."
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Redefining Wealth with Patrice Washington - When Money is a Weapon

"Shannon Thomas, LCSW recently released a book with stories from people who have survived financial abuse. Covering 2000 stories from 455 survivors, she has brought awareness to the prevalence of financial abuse. The often overlooked form of abuse can be devastating, with the effects lasting throughout a person’s life."
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Managing Psychological Trauma with Ms Shannon Thomas

"Welcome to The Mental Breakdown and Psychreg Podcast! Today, Dr. Berney and Dr. Marshall have the pleasure of interviewing Ms. Shannon Thomas, a licensed clinical social work supervisor, the owner and lead therapist of an award-winning private practice-counseling agency in Southlake, Texas and best-selling author of 'Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse'."
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Podcast: Daily Mom Pressures, It's Never Too Late & The Power to Change

"Shannon Thomas is an amazing woman....And she was just the right woman to talk to about feeling the daily pressures weighing down on us as mothers. How we can overcome them, change our perspective, celebrate when other moms are nailing it (even when we show up to car line with coffee stained tees and sweats) and how it's never to late to change the things you aren't happy with or refuse to settle with in life."
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MyNDTALK - Healing from Hidden Abuse - Shannon Thomas

"Shannon Thomas discusses her important book about something ugly, hidden, and difficult to describe. Psychological abuse. How is it possible that one person can gain so much power to destroy another person's sense of worth, safety, and sanity? Shannon tells you how, but more importantly, she gives you a roadmap that helps you wake up, break free, heal, and rebuild what feels like your shattered life."
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5 Signs Your Body Is Trying To Tell You You're In The Wrong Relationship

"'Does the sound of an incoming text message fill you with absolute dread? 'When we are in the wrong relationship, we may experience the sensation of unhappy butterflies in our stomach when we see a text, email or missed phone call from our partner,' says Shannon Thomas, certified trauma therapist. "It's a slight pang of dread or concern about what might be wrong now." In a happier relationship, these unexpected messages would probably make you smile."
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9 Quick Hacks To Calm You Down Fast, According To Experts

""A common mistake is to focus on taking a big inhaling breath, but the actual calming help comes with the relaxed outward exhale,' Thomas says. 'Notice your exhale, and the pause at the end of the breath,' she says. 'This breathing space is where brain changes take place to help relax us when we are upset.' If you're having trouble doing this, try counting how long each inhale and exhale takes you. Do your best to make the exhale breaths twice as long as the inhales. So if it takes you three seconds to breathe in, stretch out your exhale breath for at least six seconds."
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Psychological abusers don't go for the weak — they choose strong people because they 'like a challenge'

"Victims of psychological abuse are most often the kind of people you wouldn't think would be vulnerable to such a thing. According to Shannon Thomas, a therapist and author of the book 'Healing from Hidden Abuse,' success and strength are actually what attract abusive narcissists and psychopaths to their targets."
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8 Ways You May Be Verbally Abusing Your Partner Without Realizing

"'Verbal abuse lands on a spectrum of intensity in behaviors, and the average person who becomes verbally abusive does not recognize they have crossed the line until they become educated on the specific ways verbal abuse can infiltrate an otherwise healthy relationship,' trauma therapist Shannon Thomas, LCSW, author of Healing from Hidden Abuse, tells Bustle. Healing from intimate partner violence (whether it's emotional, verbal, or physical abuse) is a long process, so it's important to identify and try to change your behaviors as soon as possible."
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6 signs your relationship probably isn't exclusive, even if you think it is

""One of the most telling signs your relationship is not exclusive is unaccounted for silence from your significant other, meaning that there are pockets of time where they don't return texts or phone calls, but then [they] pop back up as nothing is wrong or different,' she told INSIDER. 'They expect you to continue where you last left off and never address their disappearance from communicating with you.'"
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9 Signs You Have High-Functioning Depression, Which is Still Dangerous

“Licensed clinical social work supervisor Shannon Thomas says that during these periods of time, someone with high-functioning depression can even fool themselves into thinking that everything is just fine.”
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If You Fixate On These 7 Things, You May Have High-Functioning Anxiety

"'High-functioning anxiety tends to migrate into fixations on certain things because our anxious feelings have to be channeled somewhere that isn't too limiting to our daily life function,' trauma therapist Shannon Thomas, LCSW, author of Healing from Hidden Abuse, tells Bustle. 'Our subconscious attempts to make us feel 'safe' and funneling our anxiety to one or two fixation areas can give our mind something to chew on and not be anxious about every single thing.'"
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Using money as a weapon is called financial abuse — and it's the ultimate form of manipulative control

"If someone is able to withhold your finances it is a sign you are completely under their control. One woman who Shannon Thomas spoke to for her new book "Exposing Financial Abuse: When Money is a Weapon" was so financially controlled by her partner, she had to eat green beans out of a tin because it was all she could afford. Another had to sleep on a mattress for her entire pregnancy because she was told they couldn't afford a bed."
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Your Love Life Can Affect Your Health More Than You Think, According To A New Study

"'One of the promises we need to make with ourselves is that we will not allow a new relationship to consume our schedule,” Thomas says. “We have to be mindful to maintain the quality of life we established prior to love.' In other words, enjoy your relationship, or freedom of ties, but at the same time, make sure your health — both physical and mental — is a priority."
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9 Tips for Setting Healthy Boundaries With Your Friends

"Shannon Thomas, therapist, relationship expert, and author of Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse, tells us that boundary-setting can be a loving action to take when it comes to our pals. 'Boundaries help to filter who loves us with conditions [versus] unconditionally,' she says. 'When we speak up and our friends honor what is important to us — even if they don’t fully understand — they are showing us their willingness to truly invest in the relationship. We show our love within a friend group by allowing each person to fully be themselves.'”
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13 Weird Things You Do That Are Actually A Sign You’re Emotionally Very Healthy

"There's nothing wrong with finding a signature style and sticking to it. 'Keeping our closet limited to only a few items that we actually wear is a sign of emotional health,' says Shannon Thomas of Shannon Thomas Counseling, Inc. "Streamlining our wardrobe choices allows us to use our mental energy somewhere else in life and keeps us from being disappointed if certain items don't fit anymore or hold negative memories." Marie Kondo would definitely approve of this minimalist approach to dressing.
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11 Signs You Aren't An Introvert, You May Have Social Anxiety

"'Signs of someone suffering from social anxiety include their geographical circle becoming increasing smaller as they attempt to stay in 'safe zones' where they don't have a spike in anxiety,' licensed therapist Shannon Thomas, author of Healing From Hidden Abuse, tells Bustle. If you realize that you don't just choose where to go out of comfort, but are actively avoiding other places out of fear, then you may want to check in about possibly treating your anxiety.
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14 reasons you're not getting over your ex — even if they were totally wrong for you

"Shannon Thomas, a licensed therapist and author, said people often grieve the potential that was in their past relationships. 'The unmet hopes we had for what could maybe have developed with that person,' she said. 'All the plans we had together that never went anywhere. Our daydreams are fueled by the lingering thoughts of 'if only...'This takes place even if we are not consciously aware but the thoughts creep into our subconscious level.'"
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If Your Partner Does These 11 Things, It May Be Financial Abuse

"'The overt financial abuser puts themselves in the role of gatekeeper of all the money,' Shannon Thomas, therapist and author of Exposing Financial Abuse: When Money is a Weapon, tells Bustle. 'Access is granted through them and often involves games of manipulation. The overt financial abuser is looking for power and domination in their relationship.'"
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How To Get Along With Family During The Holidays, Because It IS Possible, According To Experts

"As for the troublemakers of the group, award-winning therapist Shannon Thomas suggests you try your hardest to simply avoid them. 'Become as boring as a gray rock to that person,' she says, and 'keep conversations polite, but surface-level.' The goal is to create a persona that this person grows bored with, and that makes them move on to someone else in the room. Sounds like a pretty genius strategy, if you ask me."
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8 Ways to Support a Friend Dealing With Family Drama During the Holidays

"With the holidays now approaching almost eerily quickly, you might already be feeling slightly uneasy about the family stresses that are bound to be on your plate (along with delicious Christmas cookies, of course). Spending a lot of time face-to-face with family can dig up old arguments or squabbles that everyone may have forgotten during the rest of the year."
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If You Have These 7 Weird Things In Common With Your Partner, You're More Likely To Last

"'Couples who are able to keep their relationship vibrant over many seasons often enjoy living life at a similar speed and pace,' trauma therapist Shannon Thomas, LCSW, author of Healing from Hidden Abuse, tells Bustle. This idea means that go-getters who like working all day may be more evenly matched, and those who like keeping things a bit more low-key and methodical may pair up as well. If you want to last with a partner, then it may be a good idea to assess whether you two will want your lives to move at similar paces as the years progress.
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How to spot a covert narcissist

"'They do what they want to do when they want to do it,' said Shannon Thomas, a licensed clinical social worker who wrote the book "Healing from Hidden Abuse." 'And then they make themselves look like the victim.' Some even deny making promises in the first place, gaslighting their partner into think they are losing their mind. Over time, the victim may completely lose touch with reality, known as perspecticide."
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8 Ways You May Be Verbally Abusing Your Partner Without Realizing

"'Verbal abuse lands on a spectrum of intensity in behaviors, and the average person who becomes verbally abusive does not recognize they have crossed the line until they become educated on the specific ways verbal abuse can infiltrate an otherwise healthy relationship,' trauma therapist Shannon Thomas, LCSW, author of Healing from Hidden Abuse, tells Bustle. Healing from intimate partner violence (whether it's emotional, verbal, or physical abuse) is a long process, so it's important to identify and try to change your behaviors as soon as possible.
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8 things that can keep you trapped in a relationship with a narcissist

Therapist Shannon Thomas, author of "Healing from Hidden Abuse," told INSIDER psychological abuse is insidious, and it occurs a over time like an IV drip of poison entering your veins. She said victims can become biologically attached to their abusers through something called "trauma bonding." 'You have this back and forth, and the body becomes addicted,' Thomas said. 'When we're looking for something that we want, that we once had, which is a connection with somebody, and they are playing cat and mouse where they are pulling it back and forth, then the body really does become dependent on having that approval.'"
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Here's How To Get The Truth Out Of Someone Using A Simple, Science Backed Trick

"'Addressing the obvious discomfort in the other person is better than directly accusing them of lying,' Thomas tells Elite Daily. '[If you accuse them of lying], they are likely to become defensive and shift the blame onto you.' Instead, she suggests starting the conversation by saying something like, "I notice you are uncomfortable saying this to me and looking directly at me. Why is that?" That way, she says, you won't come off as confrontational; instead, you'll just seem curious and genuinely concerned for the other person."
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There's a strong link between abuse and addiction — here's why people get stuck in toxic cycles

"The intermittent reinforcement of love and affection the abuser gives is enough to keep the victim hooked. As Shannon Thomas, author of "Healing from Hidden Abuse" said: 'When we're looking for something that we want, that we once had, which is a connection with somebody, and they are playing cat and mouse where they are pulling it back and forth, then the body really does become dependent on having that approval.'"
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7 Creepy Things Your Mother Should Never Do

"In an interview with Bustle, Shannon Thomas, LCSW, said that your mom might attempt to reach out to coworkers or your boss because that's what they would've done when you were a teenager. Your friends, teachers, and coaches all might have known her just as they knew you, so she's operating in the same way now."
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8 signs your online match might actually have relationship potential

"If your online match is already giving you little worlds of encouragement, it's a great sign they would be a supportive partner as you pursue your goals. 'A person who can authentically be excited about your success and goals in life is someone who won't feel the need to hold you back,' Shannon Thomas, therapist and author of 'Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse,' told Business Insider."
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Why You Should Trust Your Intuition & Balance It With Logic, According To Science

"In order to get an expert take on the concept, I reached out to Shannon Thomas, an award-winning therapist and survivor of psychological abuse, for a clear definition. According to Thomas, intuition is an 'involuntary internal response' that happens when your body and mind internalize something new, and react as a form of 'self-protection,' or a push 'to propel us into a new positive direction.'”
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17 steps to leaving an abusive relationship with a narcissist

"You shouldn't tell the narcissist you want to end the relationship right away, according to therapist Shannon Thomas, author of "Healing from Hidden Abuse." 'That might seem counterintuitive, but the toxic person will absolutely follow with one of two things,' she said. 'They will either start love bombing you to keep you emotionally trapped in the relationship through trauma bonding or their behaviors will become even more poisonous and potentially damaging to your overall wellness, physical safety or reputation. Sometimes all three.'"
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7 Seemingly Innocent Things You Should Never Say To A Toxic Mom

"'Keeping a healthy distance from a toxic mom includes implementing what I call Detached Contact,' Shannon Thomas, a therapist specializing in psychological abuse, tells Bustle. 'We achieve this by staying aware of exactly how our mom chronically hurts our feelings, giving her limited information about our life, and finding support in healthier people.'"
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3 Little Ways To Put Yourself First When You're Naturally A People Pleaser

"'We can't give what we don't have, and that includes our time, energy, and resources,' Shannon Thomas, an award-winning therapist and survivor of psychological abuse, tells Elite Daily over email. To make sure you aren't overexerting yourself, Thomas suggests taking a moment to reflect on whether or not you've really met your own needs for the day. If the answer is no, it's probably a sign you need to shift your attention back to yourself."
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The 4 types of people narcissists are attracted to, according to a psychotherapist

"Shannon Thomas, the author of the book 'Healing from Hidden Abuse,' told Business Insider that whatever strength a narcissist zeros in on, 'they turn that around and destroy it. I've seen that a lot of folks get targeted if they have things like strong family relationships, if they have career success, especially if that career has any sort of public face to it,' she said. 'They get targeted if they are in good shape, they exercise a lot, and take care of their appearance. I've also seen people specifically targeted if they are of a religious faith, then the person either tries to get them to do things that go against their faith principles, or somehow break [them] down.'"
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Are First Impressions Accurate? Not Always, Study Says, But They're Still Worth The Effort

"Award-winning therapist and survivor of psychological abuse Shannon Thomas suggests honing in on your body language: 'We give the best first impressions when we stay aware of maintaining a relaxed body and mind state when meeting new people,' she tells Elite Daily, so make sure your breath is slow and steady, that your muscles are relaxed, and make sure you’re tapping into your mental strength, too. 'Maintain a positive inner dialogue,' Thomas adds. 'This space allows our brain function to be optimal and our true personality can shine in that moment.'"
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The manipulative tactics psychological abusers use to keep control over their victims

"No matter how much faith you have in justice, if you're up against an abuser who knows what they're doing, there's a chance they might win. In her book " Exposing Financial Abuse: When Money is a Weapon ," Shannon Thomas wrote about how people controlled their partners with money — by withholding it, getting their partner into debt, or stealing from them."
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How Mental Health Affects Your Relationships Might Inspire You To Open Up More

"Well, there are two things to keep in mind when choosing to open up to a friend or loved one about your mental health, and those are cause and effect, Shannon Thomas, an award-winning therapist and survivor of psychological abuse, tells Elite Daily. 'When we begin to share about our mental health, we want to assure our loved ones they haven't caused the concerns and they do not have the pressure to fix the situation,' she says over email. 'Stating that upfront helps loved ones relax and not come into the conversation defensive or overwhelmed by what they are experiencing.'”
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Strengths Narcissists Target in Their Victims

"But as Shannon Thomas, the author of the book 'Healing from Hidden Abuse' points out, it was your strengths that attracted the narcissist to you in the first place, like a moth to a flame. You weren't broken and exposed when they found you, but they certainly made you believe that was true when they left."
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Does Your Personality Change Over Time? You Are Who You Are, But Here's How You'll Grow

"'Our personality can and will be impacted by the company we keep [and] the physical environment we find ourselves in, and the combination creates changes in our personality,'" Shannon Thomas, an award-winning therapist and survivor of psychological abuse, tells Elite Daily. There are multiple layers to your personality, she says, and the best way to acknowledge them and determine whether or not they've evolved is by taking note of who you are and how the circumstances around you have shaped your identity and how you respond to things.
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How To Take Care Of Your Mental Health While Traveling, According To Experts

"Mental health issues like anxiety, post traumatic stress, or depression are helped by creating guardrails or limits around how we spend our time, who we spend our time with, and trying our best to remove daily annoyances," Shannon Thomas, a licensed therapist and author Healing from Hidden Abuse, tells Bustle. "Travel throws all that planning into upheaval — even when travel the is meant for fun. We will be faced with numerous challenges ranging from small to sometimes large when we head out for a trip."
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How Jealousy Affects Your Health & What You Can Do About It, According To Experts

"Next, think about what’s really grinding your gears. Shannon Thomas, an award-winning therapist and survivor of psychological abuse, tells Elite Daily that 'identifying exactly what it is we are jealous of allows us to set new goals and direction.'”
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Relationship Experts Say These Are The 8 Red Flags to Look For When You Start Dating Someone – And Some Are Surprisingly Common

"'I see this a lot in marriages and dating relationships, where there's always one person who's feeding the needs of the other person. One person is giving and giving and giving, and the other person gives one back. There's an imbalance. And the other selfish person is typically fine with their needs being met. 'If you use somebody, you don't really care about them, or their well-being, or their overall happiness in life. It's a habitual pattern. It's almost like life is there to meet their needs and people are just commodities to get that done.'"
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3 Signs a Toxic Person Is Manipulating You (and What to Do About It)

"We reached out to Nancy Irwin, Psy.D., of Seasons in Malibu, as well as author, therapist, and general badass survivor Shannon Thomas, LCSW, to help us spot the toxic people in our lives—and learn how we can separate ourselves from them."
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Some People Push Away The Ones They Love - Here's Why

"One is that we become critical of another person who is trying to bond with us," she said. "We question their motives of trying to be close. We may tell ourselves that they don't really care but are pretending. What we think is what we feel and will influence our behaviours.' Someone can push their partner away by saying they are busy with work or other activities, so they don't have the time needed to invest in getting close to others. They can also create unnecessary tension by starting arguments or not putting in any effort, meaning the other person will eventually give up the pursuit."
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11 Surprising Signs You Might Be a Narcissist

“As counselor Shannon Thomas tells me, narcissists believe other people should make them happy and comfortable.”
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People often stay in abusive relationships because of something called 'trauma bonding' — here are the signs it's happening to you

"Those who have never been in an abusive relationship struggle to understand how people remain in one for so long. If somebody was mistreating you, "why did you stick around?" they ask. For survivors, this can be a really tough question to answer."
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11 Signs Your Partner Might Have Mental Health Problems They’re Ignoring And How You Can Help

"If your SO has been distracted, down in the dumps, or if they've been acting differently lately, it could be a sign your partner is dealing with anxiety, depression, or some other mental health issue."
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10 Reasons It’s Difficult to Spot Narcissists and Psychopaths – and How They Use Them to Hide in Plain Sight

"Empathetic people will be very long suffering if a narcissist says 'I really want to change, I know I'm not perfect.'" said Shannon Thomas, a therapist, in a previous article. "They have these moments where they sort of admit fault, but they never actually follow through or believe it."
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9 Things Your Mom Should Never Do, No Matter What

"When we are young, we look at our mothers as if they could do no wrong. But as we get older, we realize parents have to be discerning too, and you may start to notice their flaws. There are a number of things your mom should never do, even though she is your mother, as her actions can have some powerful effects on your wellbeing."
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Relationship experts say these are the 9 signs the person you're dating is right for you — and some are surprisingly simple

"Business Insider asked nine relationship experts for the signs to look out for when you're trying to figure out if someone is right for you."
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Narcissists often recruit people called 'apaths' to help with their games — here's why they're dangerous

"An apath is the wing-person to a narcissist and plays a key role in normalising the toxic individual and their harmful behaviors towards others," she said. "A narcissist must have apaths in their life to keep the facade of social normalcy going. Apaths create the illusion that a narcissist has friends, is well-liked and can get along with everyone, except the target of abuse."
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The 9 Terms and Phrases You Need to Know if You Think You’re Being Manipulated

"From the outside, people may look into abusive relationships and wonder how the victim stuck around for so long. One of the answers is something called "trauma bonding."
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Some people consistently push away the people they love — here's why

"Shannon Thomas, a clinical social worker, told Business Insider that there are several methods people use to sabotage intimacy in their relationships. 'One is that we become critical of another person who is trying to bond with us,' she said. 'We question their motives of trying to be close. We may tell ourselves that they don't really care but are pretending. What we think is what we feel and will influence our behaviors.'"
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Narcissists aren't capable of something called 'object constancy' — and it helps explain why they are so cruel to the people they date

"When we quarrel with our loved ones, most of us have the ability not to do too much damage. This is because of something called object constancy. It basically means having the ability to still have a positive emotional bond with someone when you are also feeling angry, hurt, or disappointed with them."
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Here's why you shouldn't be jealous of your narcissistic ex's new partner

"A certain amount of time after the break-up — usually not long, when it comes to narcissists — your ex will find someone new. Whether you're happy they're out of your life or not, this can still be upsetting to hear. The narcissist will go out of their way to ensure you know about their new relationship."
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Three experts explain why forgiving a narcissist shouldn't be your top priority And why 'forgiveness' can be dangerous

"My friend Shannon Thomas (Licensed Clinical Social Worker), an expert in spiritual abuse, explains that when victims release the abuser too soon from accountability, the entire healing process is derailed. She says, "When the topic of forgiveness arises, many emotions are triggered for survivors of abuse. This is especially true within a religious or spiritual setting. The traditional definition of forgiveness involves telling the abuser he or she is released from the responsibility for the damage they have caused. This action is absolutely not helpful within an abusive environment. Toxic people must hold and address the responsibility for their actions.”
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The Four Levels Of Uncomfortable Growth That Lead To Lasting Change

"People are unique yet strangely similar at the same time. Although no two are identical, the way that individuals handle certain aspects of life are very similar. There are patterns and clusters of ways people respond to life. I especially see this with lasting personal growth."
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Psychological Abuse: Hidden in Society

“People who have experienced psychological abuse often cannot clearly describe what has been done to them due to the hidden actions of an abuser – repetitious mind games, brainwashing and more.”
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8 steps to escape psychological abuse

"Recovery from any form of abuse can be a difficult journey. This is especially true when the mistreatment doesn’t leave any physical evidence of harm. Victims do not trust themselves to know whether the abuse was even real, and that can make healing a complex process."
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Entrepreneurs Need Viking Ships, Not Dinghies

"More often than not we become like the people we’re around. Based on that, we must be cautious about whom we surround ourselves. And when you need to achieve big goals, you need the right people and resources — you need Viking ships."
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The Truth Is You Never Cared If You’re Not Willing To Do Anything To End Assault

"When a close friend shares with you that her Pastor made uninvited sexual advances towards her and you argue that the pastor is a godly man and wouldn’t do such a thing, you just don’t care enough about protecting people against abuse in a religious community."
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Spiritual Abuse

"Why is it that a lot of people are cautious about things that have to do with Christianity, even Christian counseling? Well, I think it’s because there are far too many pastors and church/ministry leaders out there running amok in the name of God and doing a lot of harm in the process. Harm to people who are trying to find God in the blur of modern life and harm to the terms Christianity and Christian."
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Being An Adult Sucks Sometimes

"Sometimes I don’t feel like being an adult. Sometimes I just feel like ignoring the responsibilities that adults have to deal with every day. Sometimes I don’t want to have to follow social norms and filter my words so that they fit into society’s expectation of how an adult is supposed to communicate."
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Recovery from Abuse: Collecting Pebbles article

“One of the most common things I hear from survivors of psychological abuse is their confusion about why they didn’t notice the red flags sooner in the relationship.”
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